It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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给狗狗办护照狗狗上火严重吗给狗狗吃什么不掉毛给狗狗剪指甲会不会痛给狗狗起名叫什么名字好给狗狗办护照狗狗乳酸偏高给狗狗吃什么不掉毛狗狗乳头有分泌液给狗狗制作玩具球给狗狗洗脚用什么擦给狗狗吃什么不掉毛狗狗乳酸高的原因给狗狗洗脚用什么擦给狗狗穿的衣服大了给狗狗制作玩具球狗狗乳头里面硬块大给狗狗通鼻泪管多少钱给狗狗起名叫什么名字好患细小狗狗不吃东西吗?狗狗三个月补钙吃什么给狗狗通鼻泪管多少钱狗狗乳头有分泌液怀孕的狗狗乳房给狗狗起名叫什么名字济南狗狗年审点给狗狗起名叫什么名字怀孕的狗狗乳房患细小狗狗不吃东西吗?狗狗乳酸高的原因是做上天的宠儿,自出生那一刻起就受苍天庇佑?还是夺天造化,逆天而行,踏出一条无法回头的道路? “究竟何为巅峰?” 九百年前,玄荒帝尊第一次对这片天地产生了怀疑。九百年后,身负洪荒血脉的天才叶尘在历练之时遭人暗算,修为被废,血脉被夺,一夜之间成为不能修炼的废物,却在一月之间屡得机缘,重踏修仙神路。 “与天斗,当真是其乐无穷……” 且看废柴少年叶尘踏上逆天之路,一步步拨开笼罩在仙武大陆上的那片迷雾…… 他们是国内少有的哥特金属乐队,从酒吧驻场到签约公司,再开演唱会,貌似走在光明大道上。在黑暗的角落太久,炽热阳光掺杂着迷幻彩灯,让本快发霉的南轩错落痴狂。 都说搞艺术的人有清高的本质,真OR假?在荣誉面前,大众眼下,是为大众而变?还是让大众接受真实的自己?弦舞和南轩两位多年好基友在各自光环下,终于散发不能相容的光芒。 南轩成为人们眼中的妖孽,他跟一切不顺自己的人,事相斗。遇神杀佛,天地不惧。没少得罪人,也时不常坑队友。尽管乐员们都有相当的能力,也难免不被他所伤。 爱情,他嚼着一个女人,碗里又被放着一个女人,而自己的筷子还夹着一个女人。想先吞一个,但筷子上的那个掉落,砸中碗边,导致碗里那个也一起倒翻在地。 事业,紫衣人告诉他:要到达巅峰之境,必须有疯癫之举。 终于耗尽所有的疯狂后,南轩却并未到达巅峰之境。 不久,一个长得和他一模一样的人来给他扫墓。 随后,那人开启了逆向反扑的狂生…… 子受穿越为殷商纣王。 系统发布的第一个任务竟然让他找个女人表白,任务失败回到原世界? 子受表示:当nm的暴君,老子要回去! 为了回到原世界,作死表白了女娲。 却没想到阴差阳错地成功了! 子受:女娲是我女朋友怎么办?急,在线等! Ps:此书又名《我的女朋友是女娲》、《女娲好感度爆满了怎么办?急,在线等!》从梦中苏醒,游柏发现自己穿越到了《游戏王》的世界! 稀有卡什么的都是浮云! 唯有十年牌龄才是王道! 赢下各大顶尖赛事的冠军!登上决斗者的荣耀最高峰!成为海马濑人一辈子都想战胜的对手! “我!游柏!十年牌佬!从今天起将君临《游戏王》!”为了救人,穿越古代的赵亨义娶了个克夫的丧门星,一同带回家的,还有丧门星那六个拖油瓶妹妹。 什么?一个媳妇六个小姨子养不活?不存在的! 看我带着乡亲们种田打猎搞副业,偷偷发展高科技,昂首阔步新天地! 朝廷腐朽,皇帝昏庸,不给百姓留活路? 那就掀翻这鸟朝廷,杀了那狗皇帝! 草原蛮族年年寇边,岛国强盗肆虐海疆,西方贼人觊觎中原? 来,豺狼虎豹往这看,看看你亨义爷爷手里这杆二十连响的火铳它帅不帅! 学神李安然高考前夕被天降陨石砸中,没想到却意外获得了宇宙互联网的登陆资格。史上最悲惨宅男, 坑爹系统告诉他这辈子只能做乞丐! 降龙十八掌是卤鸡脚?叫花鸡注册专利?打狗棒是香辣狗肉? 衣衫褴褛讨口子背景却是富可敌国? 这是道德的沦丧,还是人性的扭曲?开局一文钱:修仙大佬跟我乞讨?父亲车祸,为了挣钱的林飞,决定就任高二七班班主任。 正当他为这一年气走五个班主任的班级而惆怅时,系统到来。 纪律周卡,提升全班上课纪律! 疯狂抽奖,提升全班学习能力! 毕业典礼之上,看着全班同学不是保送就是状元,林飞无奈耸肩。 “我也不想的啊,我只是想转正涨工资,他们变天才,只是顺便的……”秦洛昇穿越了,穿越到一个虚拟技术极度发达的平行世界。 进入《命运维度》,意外觉醒SSS超神天赋,获得升华之力和魅力值MAX。 当别人还在为爆出一件黄金装备而沾沾自喜时,他已经满身神装。 当别人还在小心翼翼的揣测NPC性格和喜好时,他已经和众多NPC推心置腹,各种隐藏任务,特殊职业,无敌技能,逆天装备,不要钱的给他送。 九州大陆,万国林立。   赢云穿越大秦,成为始皇第九子,并获得了咸鱼系统,只要咸鱼,就可以持续不断的获得奖励。   于是,   赢云直接咸鱼起来,默默签到,不仅获得了无数奖励,还顺利突破,成了九州唯一一尊陆地神仙!   ……   有一日,   天降金榜,盘点最强生灵。   只见,   大漠之中,赢云一剑开天门,入陆地神仙,屠数十万军,举世震惊!   帝释天:“什么?这世界上还有比我更强的人?!”   孤独求败:“杀尽仇寇,败尽英雄,平求一敌手而不可得!这赢云,值得一战!”   ……   紧接着,   天道神兵榜、天军榜等相继曝光。   神兵榜第一,圣剑轩辕,属大秦九皇子赢云!   天军榜第一,大雪龙骑,属大秦九皇子赢云!   ……   嬴政:“这是朕那咸鱼儿子?!”   ……
灵祎事件 九域凡仙 我们时刻成长 迷了吧!这是正经守墓? 俗世道途 那一厢 赛博朋克:我在末法时代,证道成神 科技式修仙 暮世幻辰 魂穿大秦:我竟成了嫪毐 战后赵国朝廷权力的变化 我的世界海中宫殿 八龙逆 惟一真道 通天偷看我日记,截教全员成圣了? 太上剑魔 莫斯肯漩涡 时中梦醒 我在人世间混日子的那些年 落跑圣女 济南狗狗年审地点 给狗狗扎辫子的方法 狗狗乳头里面硬块大 给狗狗起名叫什么名字好 济南狗狗年审地点 怀孕的狗狗可以坐车么 狗狗乳头里面硬块大 给狗狗做零食的教程 济南狗狗年审点 给狗狗做帽子衣服鞋子 狗狗乳头流水结痂怎么办 狗狗乳头流水结痂怎么办 换狗粮狗狗不吃不喝 给狗狗扎辫子的方法 给狗狗办护照 给狗狗起名叫什么名字好 狗狗乳头流出液体怎么回事 济南狗狗年审地点 狗狗上火是怎么引起的 给狗狗吃什么不掉毛 给狗狗扎辫子的方法 给狗狗吃什么不掉毛 狗狗上火是怎么引起的 给狗狗通鼻泪管多少钱 给狗狗制作玩具球 换狗粮狗狗不吃不喝 济南狗狗年审地点 狗狗上火严重吗 狗狗上火是怎么引起的 济南狗狗年审点 给狗狗起名叫什么名字好 给狗狗洗澡后舌头发白 给狗狗剪指甲会不会痛 给狗狗办护照 怀孕的狗狗乳房 给狗狗起名叫什么名字 给狗狗剪指甲会不会痛 狗狗乳头里面硬块大 怀孕的狗狗乳房 给狗狗穿的衣服大了 给狗狗起名叫什么名字 给狗狗做零食的教程 格力加了王子狗狗 狗狗乳头流出液体怎么回事 给狗狗洗脚用什么擦 给狗狗洗澡后舌头发白 狗狗乳头流水结痂怎么办 给狗狗起名叫什么名字 换狗粮狗狗不吃不喝 狗狗乳酸特别高 亚星官网 亚星官网 亚星官网 亚星官网 亚星游戏官网 此处明日 超级兵王 剑之语 重生之我是太上老君的道童 逐梦NBA AG真人 亚星管理平台 亚星游戏官网 AG真人 百家乐官网 狗狗乳酸特别高 狗狗三个月补钙吃什么 给狗狗吃什么不掉毛 给狗狗通鼻泪管多少钱 狗狗乳头流水结痂怎么办 给狗狗剪指甲会不会痛 济南狗狗年审地点 给狗狗洗澡后舌头发白 格力加了王子狗狗 狗狗乳酸特别高 狗狗乳酸特别高 给狗狗穿的衣服大了 给狗狗剪指甲会不会痛 患细小狗狗不吃东西吗? 给狗狗扎辫子的方法 给狗狗通鼻泪管多少钱 狗狗乳头里面硬块大 狗狗乳酸高的原因 济南狗狗年审点 给狗狗洗脚用什么擦 狗狗乳头有分泌液 怀孕的狗狗乳房 狗狗乳头里面硬块大 给狗狗吃什么不掉毛 狗狗上火严重吗 狗狗乳头里面硬块大 给狗狗洗澡后舌头发白 给狗狗剪指甲会不会痛 给狗狗起名叫什么名字 格力加了王子狗狗